But are these really it? While some people may be really bogged down by genuine problems, I do believe that all they need to find is a reason big enough to motivate them, whether by pain or pleasure, to take the necessary actions to make changes in their lives, and they will then do it. Most people on the other hand give up on the slightest difficulty or keep looking for shortcuts.
I'm going to speak from my own personal experience here. I have at one time many years ago tried to help some one change his life. He was a high flying luxury car salesman prior to the 1997 crash. After the crash he lost his expensive BMW, house and fell on hard times. I met him a couple of years later and took it upon myself to help this person change his life. But time and again he kept giving excuses as to why he can't do this or that. The pinnacle came when I "joint-ventured" with him to start a car trading business since that was his forte. It went well for a while. However, when repossessors came for his personal car that he so cleverly hid from them (he actually managed to hide it quite well considering the time it took for them to find this car compared with 3 of his previous ones), he took the money that was meant for the business to pay the repossessors. That merely delayed repossession for a couple of months. I found out within that period and he came clean with me only after I confronted him. Well enough is enough. I decided that I couldn't help this guy anymore after 3 years with him. I walked away. The very next day the repossessors came again and he called asking for money. I told him "no" and that he has to learn to solve his problems instead of looking for handouts. I told him that the money I put into our JV business (he didn't have to put up any money) was actually eventually for him once the business gets established on a firm foot. He said thank you but still asked for money to solve his problem. I said this time it's final. No means no. He turned ugly and scolded me over the phone. I never heard from him ever since until a few years later when his wife called and said he has passed away from a heart attack. Now in refection, it really made me wonder. Sometimes there are some of us who out of compassion and goodwill attempt to help others but do they really want our help? Or do they just want handouts from us?
I know I am not the only one who have gone through this. I know of a very benevolent lady who is already successful. Both she and her husband are self made multi-millionaires and they got their datukship for bringing Malaysia's name to the world in the F&B industry, earning one Michelin Star. Anyway, now that she is already successful she also wants to help others, sometimes with fish, sometimes with fishing rods. I do not know her criteria for handing either one out but I suppose she may look at a person's character and maybe even age as a criteria. I am not saying she's right. Like I said, I do not know the criteria. You can call her an angel (or "white knight" if you prefer). Although I do not know her well enough nor long enough, from what I have seen, she clearly wants to help her husband's siblings and their children change for the better. However from what I have observed, some of them don't really want to change. What they really want are handouts. Well.. perhaps she gave fish once too often and so they kept expecting fish all the time. There was an instance when she asked her nephew to help out at her newly opened cafe with the intention of eventually teaching him the "tricks of the trade" and perhaps even passing the biz to him. However the young chap, after only 2 weeks decided that he wasn't learning anything apart from sweeping floors and other menial work and so he resigned. When I heard this, even I became disappointed. In my view, he was being tested and taught from the most basic up. But being shortsighted he cannot understand this. He has missed a great opportunity. We all saw the original karate kid in the 1980s right? The character Daniel-san (played by Ralph Macchio) was told that he would be taught karate but on his first day at the sensei's house he was told to paint the fence and to paint only in a certain way... much to his disappointment.
In my opinion perhaps this is where personal development comes in. If a person's context is small i.e. cup so small, it's just not possible for that person to recognize an opportunity when it comes. If Pat Morita's character did not physically show Ralph Macchio's Daniel-san why he is being instructed to paint the fence in an up and down hand movement manner, Daniel-san would have missed the opportunity to learn from a great master and realize his dreams. But how many teachers in real life are like the sensei who would be willing to show or let alone tell the potential student why he is being asked to do things in a certain way? Some people argue or have the opinion that we should sometimes give the fish especially in times of real need. But really... it that so? What would be the cut-off point then? You give fish once, they will ask for fish again the next time. They will not learn. They will still wait to the last minute to do things, sometimes at their own peril. And then... again, ask for fish. So really... Do we give fish or the fishing rod? When do we give the fish? When do we give the fishing rod?
I really don't know. But... I have decided that I will NEVER give fish. I will only give the fishing rod, with a bit of "instruction manual" perhaps but most certainly no spoon feeding. When we give fish once too often, it would almost always lead to abuse. Malaysia as a country is a typical example where giving fish big time leads to massive abuse and incompetence, its clear that it just doesn't work at all.
Related post:
Is it true that people who are poor have chosen to be poor
