What do you want?

What a million dollar question...


Really.. What do YOU want?


Most people would answer "money" in a nifty. You ask them if they are sure, they stop a while, think a while and say "money" again. But I honestly doubt that is what they truly want.


In my opinion "money" is what their minds cook up as what they want. Probably as a defense mechanism of sorts to help them run away from some pain, event, shortcoming, something unfulfilled or an inadequacy that is buried in their subconscious. Which in return may have created belief systems in them that their problem lies in lack of money. Or "money" as a means to get away from it all. And as they move along in their daily lives, more events further strengthen that belief system until the real root of it is hidden so deep they don't even know its there. To make matters worse, their ego also adds to further strengthen those beliefs. (This is just my opinion and I may not have written the above to explain it very well)


Anyway, what they really truly want is hidden beneath all that and in my opinion, many people never find out what they really wanted until its too late. Spouse leaves them; or they still feel empty despite all the material successes; or they feel unfulfilled even on their death beds; or remorse at death bed etc.


So, I don't know. What do you think? More importantly, how do you get to know what you truly want? Is it like what career counselors, psychologist, doctors or other so called experts say that you have to "find meaning in what you do"; or "like your job"; or etc etc. Or worse, like what religious staunchies (sorry to say, especially christians) say that you have this feeling coz its your soul telling you that you have accept that "Christ is your saviour" la or better still, "you are a sinner". Sorry dude, I don't belief in bullshitting myself with what so called smarty two shoes PhD holder's (read as Permanent head Damage) advices. This is not some physical ailment nor psycho case. Neither do I subscribe to what does religious staunchies "blind-faithfully" preach. While I am not saying they are always wrong, I think sometimes we need to look deeper instead of academically (or mentally) reasoning it out or just pushing it all to "so-and-so is my savior".


And frankly, if you dig deep, you'll be amazed at what you discover. I know from my own personal experience, that what we thought we want and have actively been pursuing can be very different from what we actually wanted deep down inside. And sometimes reading a book may give insights into what we seek. Sometimes we think we are alone with certain feelings and thoughts. Reading a self help book or sharing your thoughts or feelings with people who will uplift you may reveal that you are not alone.


And this has happened twice in my life already. While I will not reveal both incidents, I'll just briefly mention one of it. In 2005, I attended a training on self awareness after two friends recommended it to me. I actually decided to attend that training not because of what the training say it can offer but because I liked what I see in one of my two friends. If it was up to the other friend, he would have "blown me out of the water". You can say that I joined for all the wrong reasons. However, one of the exercises in the was on discovering within ourselves, what we truly wanted. Well, for that exercise to work, you have to tell your brain to go to sleep otherwise it will interfere and for those who are strong minded (strong mental bodies), they would mental masturbated their way through that exercise "thinking" that they have found what they wanted. No. We had to put our brains to sleep. :-)


At the beginning of the exercise right through the midst of it, I thought I wanted success but what blurted out of my mouth was that I was looking for love. I was like, "WTF? Where did that come from?". I realized that what I really wanted was to settle down with someone whom I love, whom would love me, and together we can grow through thick and thin, mutually building on each other's strengths while complementing ear other's weaknesses. So it was through that one exercise that got me started on looking at settling down. And not just with anybody. I was quite clear on the kind of woman I was looking for. Well, to cut the long story short, I met my wife in the same training school (different class of course) and today we've got 3 beautiful kids.


So really, what DO you want? money? money can't buy you happiness. I'm not saying it's not important. It is important especially if you live in the city with inflation so high nowadays. But is that really it? Most of us get so caught up with our everyday lives that we do not even stop to question if the path that we are going down on everyday is leading you to where you want to be or if the path is the path that we want to be on.


Well, by asking the right questions, eventually you will find your answer. Even if you do not yet find what is it you want, you may first know what you do not want. And to me, that's a start. But please don't focus on what you do not want because that adds energy to it and brings more of it to you. Knowing what you do not want can be the first step but you need to then continue the search to find your passion.