Ending a Romantic Relationship (updated)

The famous Marriage/family Counselor, Virginia Satir said, “Communication is to a Relationship what Breathing is to Living.” In other words, for any relationship to work, the pre-requisite is to have open communication channels. Where the lines of communication are not open, the relationship is as good as doomed to failure.

But what if the future of the relationship already looks bleak i.e. you think you have already exhausted all avenues to make it work.

Well, first and foremost, know that divorce is not always a bad thing. Sometimes it is the right choice. Life is too precious for one to hang on to a relationship that no longer serves one’s higher purpose. Neither should one leave the relationship too soon. I most certainly do not advocate what most young people now do i.e. they are quick to talk about breaking up when there was the first sign of an argument or disagreement. This is childish and should be stopped especially if you have this pattern going on. Every couple should make an agreement and a spiritual vow not to speak of breaking up unless you really mean it. And this should be only after all other options have been attempted. It is amazing how a simple agreement like this can sometimes make an enormous difference in the relationship. There was an incident whereby a young lady kept talking about divorce to her husband and they were just two weeks into their marriage. Within two weeks, she moved back to her mother’s house. Sigh!

Therefore, before going down that line of mutual separation, every couple should first deal with the feelings of disappointment in their relationship. Were expectations too high and unrealistic? Note that no one is to blame here. It must be understood that disappointment stems from attachment, addiction etc. According to Dr David Stone, it gets back to the lesson of needing to have only strong preferences. Happiness needs to be inside of self, not based on what another person does. There is nothing wrong with having strong preferences. But the nature of a preference is that you are happy whatever the outcome.

If we are disappointed in a relationship, that is a sign of having expectations which are the same as addictions and attachments. Now again this is the ideal. If you can’t shake it by the process of attitudinal healing within self, then share it with your partner. Again this comes down to communication.

Most of the time, by sitting down and communicating with one’s spouse, most issues can be addressed and the couple can re-align to common goals and move on. So.. when couples or one party in the relationship talks about breaking up (divorce), have they really exhausted all avenues? Perhaps there are ways to save it after all. But of course, it would take two hands to clap. However, let’s just assume that there don’t seem to be much to look forward to anymore... it really is a bleak situation.

Well, in the context of Karma, we need to know if a relationship is really worthwhile to continue. The key here is that we should never leave a relationship until you learn the lessons of that relationship. Otherwise you are destined to repeat the same lessons again with a new partner!

Therefore, one should never make such a decision (to divorce) when one is emotionally triggered. When one has calmed down and is more objective, one must consider if the person you are involved with meets enough of your preferences (or criteria in a spouse). No person on this planet Earth or in the infinite universe will meet all your preferences. They will just have to meet enough of them to make the relationship worthwhile. If you are in at a lost on this, a good start would be to make a list of all the things you hope for in your spouse and your relationship. And I do mean actually writing it down (or typing it out). Then you need to also have a list of all the reasons why you would want to remain in this relationship, and then a list of why you want to get out.

Once it is written down, you can then look at it objectively to know what you are getting and what you are not getting to see if the relationship meets enough of your preferences for it to be worthwhile. What may be worthwhile for a few years may not be for the long run. There just are no hard and fast rules on this. This is an exercise to do by yourself, between you and God. It will give you a very realistic look at your reality and the choices you are making.

In the event that the decision is made to end the relationship, it should be ended with total love, forgiveness and non-judgment. In other words, you should part in good terms. Otherwise, you will have to reincarnate with that person or another like that one in a future life. If you forgive and end in unconditional love, and your partner doesn’t, you are freed from the karma, and your partner who is holding a grudge will have to reincarnate in a future life with someone similar to you who did not learn the lesson. For you to be freed, you do not need your partner to learn the lesson; you only have to learn your own lessons.

Related Post:

• Is your spouse an asset?
• The difference between love and sex
• What to do in an extremely karmic relationship
• Re-examination of relationships that no longer serve us
• Making you Romantic Relationships Work
• Keeping the Romance On in your Romantic Relationships