Further to my write up on Making your Romantic Relationships Work, I thought I would just add a few more opinions on keeping the Romance On in your Romantic Relationships. Some people may wonder what has this got to do with spiritual growth and personal development. Well... make no mistake about it. Your relationship with your spouse has everything to do with your spiritual growth. As stated before, we are the “God” within and therefore our spouse is “God” visiting you in physical form. As Dr David Stone said, everyone in a relationship needs to understand that romantic relationships are the ultimate teachers for spiritual growth and Self realization.
Anyway, coming back to maintaining the Romance in one’s Romantic Relationships. It is a common belief that there is an inevitable loss of romance in all marriages especially when children come into the picture. I thought that once myself. And it took a simple statement from a movie to make me realize that that is not true. The romance, the passion, the spark can be kept going indefinitely. However, it takes effort to achieve this. When issues of having children, money pressures or job pressures come in, it is easy to get lost in the grind of life and put romance to the back seat. For those of you who are already making conscious effort not to allow that to happen, kudos to you. But I am sure the majority are not so lucky.
Sometimes it is often the little things that make all the difference such as writing little loving notes, making a loving phone call, bringing flowers or buying a little gift for no special reason and creating special times for romantic intimacy. No one size fit all here. If you are not a person who writes notes, well, getting you to write notes would be a tall order. But something you do when you were courting can easily be maintained now to keep the spark on. Sometimes it can be simply listening and pillow talking to your spouse. Of course in terms of talking, women will talk more than men. It has been scientifically proven that women use approximately 20,000 words a day on average while men only use 7,000. So, men, just listen.. J
We need to be conscious as to not go on automatic pilot. And this is admittedly quite difficult with issues of money, children, work pressure etc. But it is nevertheless important to remain vigilant for God and God’s kingdom. It is easy to let down and sometimes say things you don’t really mean out of mental fatigue or just slip of the tongue. A master remains vigilant at all times and never lets down, even for an instant, his or her attunement to God in thought word and deed. God and the ascended masters hear and watch everything, and everything is written into the soul records.
Once a while, go on a romantic vacation, even if it is just for the weekend. This will do wonders for a relationship. It is often hard to maintain the spark, romance and passion in the daily grind of Earth life. Even when you have children, short vacations away can be arranged and it is fine to take the children along or leave them with their grandparents. Even a family vacation can have time off for romance. It's a matter of having the will to do it.
On the issue of sexuality, this is quite a complex issue. While sex is not the one and all in a romantic relationship, it is nevertheless an important part of it. Each couple will differ in terms of what this means. Some couples can get along fantastically fine without sex. But the majority probably can’t. That’s fine. Higher level initiates may not have sexual relationships as much as younger disciples, although there is no hard and fast rule. Ascending couples may be interested in tantric sexuality which will be for the purposes of both enjoyment and raising the sexual energy. With tantric sex, the couple uses sexual involvement as a type of meditation.
As what Dr David Stone recommends, couples must find a selfish/selfless balance in terms of the sexual relationship so that both parties’ needs are met. Both must ask for what they want and be willing to teach their partner. Often relationships get into sexual habits and ruts that become rather unexciting after a while, and both parties must be willing to experiment a little and, perhaps, take some chances. It is essential that both parties be willing to initiate sexual involvement, for this should not be only the man’s job. Both partners should try to serve one another’s needs first, while also enjoying the sexual interaction. Communication in this area, as in all areas of life, is the key. With sexuality, as with all things, balance, moderation and integration with other areas of one’s life need to be maintained. It is another form of communication and an expression of love. Sexual expression is appropriate when it serves the Higher Self and not the lower or carnal self. Sexuality is appropriate when it is loving, supportive, and pleasurable to both partners. Sexuality is appropriate in terms of that which creates intimacy and love.
Last but not least, at least for now, “Love develops from letting go not from holding on.” We’ve heard it many times before, even in movies, that if you love someone, let the person go. Hanging on comes from the need to feel love. That is needy and is of the ego and is usually due to lack of self love. One must understand that holding too tightly to love kills love. Preferences should be stated and then let go of. If something is meant to be it will come back to you, and if it is not meant to be, just let it go. A bond based on this truth is the most powerful and long lasting bond, for it is free of all coercion.
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